Yes. You know what I’m talking about: You’re walking down the hall and you see somebody coming in the other direction. It’s either morning and you feel gross, or you hooked up with him freshman fall and never spoke again – either way, you don’t want to say hi. You avoid eye contact. So does he. Next thing you know – BUMP. And you two are walking into each other. Right. Because that doesn’t make things less awkward. Fuck. … … …Both of you side step right and the awkward situation is one second behind you. Reached your quota for the week.
The boat multiplies the effect of these situations.
1. Our hallways are not quite large enough for two people to pass without touching.
2. The boat will inevitably topple right as contact occurs, meaning that your innocent and accidental bump now consists of being thrown into a wall right on top of boy-that-you’ve-been-avoiding-since-that-one-night-in-Brazil-damn-should-not-have-drank-that-much-but-maybe-his-is-kinda-cute?
3. People don’t inherently sidestep to the right. (Mom: that’s to the side of your keyboard with the delete key on it)
One and two should be self-explanatory. Number three, though, I can see how that requires some explanation. It was not something I had ever thought of before travelling so often. Our goal in each country (because I’m now such an experienced traveler) is to not look touristy. And because it is distinctly American to drive on the right side of the road (pun intended every single time), it is distinctly touristy to pass a person with left shoulders on the inside. Touristy to the point of a bridge in the Cape Town harbor needing to announce to tourists to please stay to the left in order to avoid pedestrian collisions.
So then what are we supposed to do on the boat? Do we return to our American default ways? Or do we continue our non-touristy, pass people on the left ways?
Solution: accidentally go left when he goes right, then fix it by stepping right as she steps left. Turn around, and run away.
Eli’s Age: 20
Eli’s Maturity Level ~ That of Ali Weinstock’s