(I had the idea to write this to the “tune” of “Oh Susannah” but then the power went out so I couldn’t look up the words.)
Oh Uganda, don’t you dare leave me.
You cost 50 US dollars to get to,
But you are so worth it, you see.
Chinese restaurants in Rwanda are so few.
But no, it’s not the same for you.
You have more than just Fang Fang,
Even though just that would be enough,
With its duck and soup and chicken PANG,
[That means kung-pow chicken]
And a carved watermelon, full of stuff.
[Which we got because we lied, saying it was somebody’s birthday]
After the food and more food galore,
You have so incredibly much more:
As the heart of Africa, you start the Nile.
But you also have monkeys and birds of song.
I cannot lie…your beauty is incredible.
My second night there, I actually wrote you a poem.
[Not this one…I tried to write a serious poem, but then got really upset that I don’t know how to write poetry (I’m no Alex Howe) so I gave up.]
Churchill was not lying when he called you a “Pearl”
[With an English accent, this rhymes with “Nile” and “incredible”…which also rhyme with an English accent.]
I dearly hope I’m not away for too long.
Your prices are cheap, your exchange rate good,
Your people even speak my tongue.
With no dry season, you always have mud!
[This is a good thing, I miss the rain.]
And your beers, better than Mutzig/Primus, create more fun.
Let’s get back to your beauty though…
I wanted a picture, so the moment would not pass.
I could not understand how the waves went to and fro
Just below that pond that my father would call “glass.”
A picture though would be unfair:
In order to see the scene you must deserve it.
Raft down Nile rapids you must dare,
And then not sleep, but go to the river and just sit.
Which results in complete awe of your beauty,
And your food, your language, and beer.
Uganda…if you were a guy I’d call you a cutie.
I am just so happy that you are so near.