Thursday, December 18, 2008
I did it..
Yeah. I did. And here's why:
It's not because I had a break down when I returned to the US and realized that I just couldn't keep up with showering daily. Even though when I woke up this morning after having not showered for two days and my hair was a greasy mess made - made all the more obvious by my DARK roots - I screamed that life would just be easier if I was *actually* blonde. No, instead I'm going to blame it on Love Actually:
More specifically, we're going to focus on a little trifecta in the upper right (or is that left?) hand corner of this scoring web. (Which, by the way, I must admit...is a bit more impressive than those made on teh boards of Kitt II way back when.) Here's that love triangle:
For you sinners that haven't seen the movie, man cheats on blonde wife with hot brunette assistant. That's right ladies and gentlemen, it's no longer hot to be blonde. The new hot ones are the mysterious, often overlooked brunettes.
So I marched right in to my hair appointment today and announced, "Frank, I want to go dark." The place went silent. The Jew in the back even dropper her bagel. Frank gasped. "I'm I'm sorry...what did you say?"
"Dark. Brunette. Hot. Mysterious. I want it."
"Eli, I cannot agree to this unless you absolutely confirm with me that this is what you want. Tell it to me in three languages now. Tell me that you want to go dark."
"Je ne voudrais pas blonde. Me gusta marron. umm...obrigada?"
Frank stared at me, armed with foils and scissors and then he called in the support team. One blonde woman rushed over, "I once went dark. Hun, it's all bad. It's different. People don't pay as much attention to you. I missed it. I went back. Real soon." "We don't want to lose your business. We want you to be happy." I explained to them that I'd gotten all the blonde attention I needed what...with traveling in China and all.
No. Blondes are the girl-next-door cute look. Brunettes are hot. I was convinced.
So I did it. Frank convinced me to keep a little blonde in there. But for the most part I did it. I didn't really believe the reflection in the mirror. Or the gasps of others as they walked into the north Jersey hair salon...shocked to see somebody going dark...why...when they paid so much to go light...
It actually didn't hit me that I am now a brunette until I was in line at CVS. And this little blond woman cut in front of me and I said something about it and she just turned and flipped her hair as if to say "excuse me hun, but did you see the hair...I'm blonde and you're not and that's just something that me and other blondes are allowed to do to you and other...ugly girls."
And then the guy at the pharmacy didn't flirt with me nearly as much as he normally would have.
And then I went to buy some wine at the Chatham wine shop and they carded me.
And then I marched right back to CVS and bought some blonde hair dye.
Let's call that one...a fun social experiment. Anyways...here's a picture...and no...it's not a wig: