Vagina Vagina Vagina – December 5

I think the most devastating part of my first term at St. Paul’s was getting that shocker of a C…in acting. I mean…I knew that a new school was going to be hard. But a C. In acting? Needless to say, this saddened me enough to end my acting career a few terms early. I ended up fulfilling my arts credits with art history.

It’s a true testament to the boredom on the ship (we’ve now figured out gin…any other cards games out there??) then for me to have auditioned to be in the Vagina Monologues. Either that or I like vaginas enough to overcome my fear of acting. Apparently in my years off the stage, however, I think I lost…what’s that word…my…talent in the field. After the incredibly stressful auditions (I was told to do a “mountain-top moan” on the spot), I was assigned a total of 192 words for the play.

And boy were they hard to memorize. I had to remember a list of things people’s vaginas would say if they could talk. And that’s not easy because they’re all kina the same (PS – 192 words right now to get a sense of how long my part was). How was I supposed to keep track of when “whoa mama” came relative to “brave choice” or “find me”??

My other big part was a short piece of female genital mutilations. This was properly titled a “not-so-happy-fact.” And yeah…192 words total…both pieces combined.

Oh I guess I didn’t count that I got to scream the “college moan” during the last monologue. I think it was supposed to be something like “myroommatemyroommatemyroommate” but I, in a very Ivy league manner, decided to change it to “I should be STUDYINGGGGGGGGGG!” It was great.

The only other time I had ever seen the vagina monologues performed was actually during my fifth form at SPS when Nash put it on for the Fiske Cup. For all you non-SPSers – Nash is a guys dorm. So it was a group of high school boys performing the vagina monologues. They did present it impressively well…but I’ve got to say, I’m not quite sure anybody can moan about studying quite the way I do.